I Blame Them BOTH!!!

My husband knew better but, cheated anyway. His mistress (Single OW) knew he was married w/children and chose the affair over integrity.

They worked together and flirted heavily and then it started for them. My husband blamed me for our problems, but he forgot to tell me about the problems we had. She believed all his lies and she never ask the right questions, probably because she did not want to know the truth. She strokes his ego and probably told him she would never do the things I did to him; I never thought to cheat on him because I love him and honored our vows no matter what. From everything I’ve read, and I’ve read tons, on infidelity this is very typical cheating talk. Seems like all cheaters and liars read from the same manual, it’s uncanny really. She never met me until I caught them together March 2, 2007 and she only knew about me through my husbands eyes and of course I had no idea she existed until I found out about them in October 2004. Sheesh.

Great Books to read and websites to go to:
“Not Just Friends”, by Shirley Glass
“Boundaries in Marriage”
“After the Affair”
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
http://www.gloryb.com/ (This is a forum for the Other Women – some really messed up people over there, some of them I actually care about when reading there post – very sad people all around. These women actually believe their lying Affair Partner)

While he was cheating on me, she was cheating on him. At least she could have told him she was dating others too, but again they are cheating and who tells the truth anyway. He was lying to her and she was lying to him, but I was completely in the dark and had no idea what was going on. The wife is always the last one to find out and never would I have guessed my husband cheating on me, I had no clue. How special. A true love affair of lies and deceit. He now sees her as an Addict to Love (Romance) and needs help. She does not live in reality because she does this with every guy she is with (The amazing thing is I have the proof of her affairs). She has no clue what my husband’s life is really, only what he had told her and there is always the other side of the story, but who is going to ask the wife. He admits he lied to her by many omissions. Shit, he was chasing after me (once I caught him cheating) while she was chasing him. It is sick and twisted and a life I never want to live and never ask for and was given no choice of this matter. Talk about being stab-in-the-back.

Together they cared less about the people they were hurting or the truth and when I outed them to co-workers and her neighbors and such they still continued on and watched me cry everyday. My husband did not want a divorce but wanted his cake and eat it too. No Way, was I going to live like this anymore, I deserve happiness, honor, respect, and truth. They made me crazy, making me crazy by telling others I had the problem, when in fact they devised opportunity to be together behind my back. My husband told me many times he loves me and was not talking to her only to find him lying to me, again and again and again. The affair started March 2003 and went on till March 2, 2007. A long time, TOO LONG. When I found his car parked in her garage and then confronted both of them!!! He tried to tell me it’s not what I think it is, please, give me a break, what was it Bible Study. Even the bible refers her as A Whore. She is truly that, A Whore, she was never SORRY, she cared only for her own self. Even my daughter knows who she is, thanks to my husband for introducing her to his whore. He tried to tell me that he did not think she (our daughter) would tell because she was so young, barely 3 years old at the time. Please, give me a break. Lord, heal my heart and soul!!

I filed for divorce twice and each time he would convince me to stay. He broke every promise to me. Finally, he had to tell her to stop calling him in front of me and our Christian counselor, and she did not listen to that and still called him. I had enough of this shit – I emailed her parents and sisters in India to hopefully get her to stop contact with my husband. She has no respect for commitment as did my husband. I told him many times you can have her, you just can’t have me too, choose one or the other. I told him I will not stay together for the kids and God will condone a divorce because of the adultery. I will be free to create a new life for me and my kids. He chose his wife.

My husband has been working hard on his issues, he has many. He stopped blaming me for our marriage problems and started looking at himself. He created a world of lies and blamed me for them, not anymore. I am proud of him for that but, I do still blame him and his mistress for all the Trauma they have put upon me and my kids. The lies they told people and to themselves and made me out to be crazy. Well it is crazy making when you are being lied to, that is for sure. Or am I just Crazy for staying??? 14 year together and I trusted him completely. WOW, JUST WOW!!! There is so much more to say. Thanks for listening.

Other related writings:

Letter To The Other Woman

My Husband’s Apology Letter to our Families